Years ago I worked for a while as a human resources manager. Today I was laughing over some of the memories of job applicants and what they had written on their employment applications. Their names are now long forgotten, and I certainly would not share them even if I did remember, but I thought you would get a good laugh over several situations I recall. I guess you could say these applicants had issues, or they were applicants gone wild!
One afternoon two young female applicants in their early twenties came through the door. They each took an application and took a seat to fill in their information. The first gal that finished brought her application up to me and I noticed she had answered "yes" to the question; "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?" Her reply to the question was, "Yes. I borrowed a car and didn't return it on time." OK, I guess she was still in denial of stealing a car - lol. Next...
The other young woman who came in with her turned out to be her sister, who also had answered "yes" to the question in regards to being convicted of a felony. Her reply to the question read, "Yes. I attempted to poison someone." OK, there we had two winner applicants - lol. Their felonies were only about 6 months apart so I have to wonder if they both woke up one day and made a pact to destroy their lives? When the two went to depart their car would not start and they had to push start it. Maybe they should have stolen another car?
One other day a woman in her late thirties came in to apply for work. She also had answered "yes" to the question about any prior felony convictions. Her response was, "Yes. I had a run-in with a police officer, so I bit him." Reading further down on her application where her work history was filled in I had a good laugh reading why she had lost her most recent employment. Her reason; "I was fired because I had to take too much time off work to get my teeth fixed." Well OK, I guess if you go around biting police officers you're bound to have problems with your teeth!
On another occasion I enjoyed a good laugh when a woman made a phone inquiry about a position. She was responding to an ad in the paper for a commercial janitorial position. Woman on the phone; "Could you describe the type of work involved for the position?" My response; "You would be required to do general cleaning such as vacuuming, dusting, mopping, and taking out the garbage." Her reply was, "Do you mean I would have to push a mop?" I had to bite my tongue to not laugh at her, but instead I kindly responded, "Yes!" and then she hung up! What was she expecting? To have access to a remote controlled mop so she could sit on her butt?
I don't miss those days one bit, and it was not my normal line of work. The experience did however leave me with an opportunity to share these humorous stories with you! I hope you enjoyed them.